Your Brain on Porn (9/10)

Your Brain on Porn Your Brain on Porn

Excellent primer on how addiction wires your brain. Explains the negatives of porn use without going into anything religious. Also gives tips on quitting porn use and includes many anecdotes of people describing how their lives changed when giving up porn use.

Summary and Highlights

Sexual desire is one of our most powerful motivational forces, and has been essential to the flourishing of the human race. Yet pornography transforms that drive into a force that primarily motivates the completely solitary and unproductive activity of masturbation.

The more that people’s reward systems are tuned to forming social connections with others, the more likely they are to be both more physically healthy and more psychologically well balanced.

“I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.” -Aristotle

Psychiatrist Norman Doidge explains in his bestseller “The Brain That Changes Itself”:

This is how chronic overconsumption can have unexpected effects. It can make us hyper-aroused by our favourite enticements, such that immediate wants weigh heavier than they should relative to longer term desires. It can also sour our enjoyment of – and responsiveness to – everyday pleasures. It can drive us to seek more extreme stimulation. Or cause withdrawal symptoms so severe that they send even the most strong-minded of us bolting for relief.

It can also alter our mood, perception and priorities – all without our conscious awareness.

Harry Fisch book “The New Naked” correlates with reduced grey matter and decreased sexual responsiveness.

Most users regard internet porn as a solution – to boredom, sexual frustration, loneliness or stress.

Besides normal libido they started reporting other positive changes too:

  • Depression and social anxiety going away.
  • Increased confidence.
  • The feeling of fulfilment.
  • Being on top of the world.

Studies on appetite show that variety is strongly associated with overconsumption.

Irritability, fatigue, inability to sleep (even sleep aids don’t help much), trembling/shaking, lack of focus, shortness of breath, and depression.

If you don’t realize such symptoms are connected with quitting, but you do notice that returning to porn relieves them, then you are strongly motivated to keep using porn.

Existing studies do find that frequency of porn viewing correlates with depression, anxiety, stress and social (mal)functioning, as well as less sexual and relationship satisfaction and altered sexual tastes.

Poorer quality of life and health, and real-life intimacy problems.

Impaired motivation and confidence, brain fog (inability to focus), loss of attraction to real people, sexual dysfunction, escalation to what users themselves describe as more extreme material over time, and so forth.

Improvements since quitting:

  • Social anxiety improved drastically.
  • Confidence, eye contact, comfort interacting, smoothness, etc.
  • More energy in general.
  • Clearer, sharper mind, more concentration.
  • More vibrant looking face.
  • Depression alleviated.
  • Desire to interact with women.
  • Boners are back!!

justified it in my head by saying it was ‘healthy for me’ and ‘at least it isn’t a drug.‘

Any of the following may precede or accompany delayed ejaculation and erectile dysfunction:

  • Earlier genres of porn are no longer exciting.
  • Uncharacteristic fetishes develop.
  • Porn use is more sexually exciting than a partner.
  • Sensitivity of penis decreases.
  • Sexual arousal with sexual partners declines.
  • Erections fade when attempting penetration or shortly thereafter.
  • Penetrative sex is not stimulating.
  • Porn fantasy is necessary to maintain erection or interest with partner.

A few men bounce back in a relatively short time: about 2-3 weeks.

The vast majority of guys need 2-6 months (or longer) to fully recover.

Masturbation/porn can cause PE especially when you start doing it young. You want to reach climax/orgasm quickly because of the fear of being caught. So you teach your mind that when you’re hard your job is to cum quickly and not enjoy the interim sensation.

My mechanistic porn habits have taken away all sensuality from the act of orgasm, turning it into a short spurt and muscle memory twitch of a climax.

Tolerance, which is an addiction process that drives a need for greater and greater stimulation.

When scientists jacked up pair-bonding animals on amphetamine, the naturally monogamous animals no longer formed a preference for one partner.

Too much stimulation weakens pair bonds.

Social anxiety, self-esteem.

As users manage to abstain from porn, their desire to connect with others generally surges.

Often, so does their self-esteem, their ability to look others in the eye, their sense of humour, their optimism, their attractiveness to potential mates, and so forth.

“The Brain That Changes Itself” -Norman Doidge

Females are complimenting me on my looks and body. My awareness around social situations is much better. I can read people’s body language better. People cannot intimidate me as before.

I feel that their anger just bounces off me, and I stay in a serene state.

Have ‘better concentration’, ‘no more brain fog’, ‘clearer thinking’ and ‘improved memory‘.

Addiction neuroscientists have repeatedly shown that internet addiction produces memory, concentration and impulse-control problems in some users, as well as corresponding brain changes.

My mind became very clear, thoughts easily controllable, and I became much more relaxed in general.

I can retain and remember information a lot better. I remember events in my past life a lot better.

I am not irritable, and am more focused. I can execute tasks a lot faster.

I finally have energy again!

When I look in the mirror I feel like my skin has a glow to it.

Quitting isn’t a cure all for your life problems – but it’s the foundation, a ploughed field in which you can sow seeds for a new future that isn’t bedevilled by the secrecy and shame that comes with falling into the seemingly inescapable pit of porn-related despair that so many of us know.

A life of hope and strength, not jizzy tissues, jealousy, bitterness, self-hatred, resentment and unfulfilled dreams.

You wire your sexual excitement to a screen.

Unconscious sexual conditioning can be summed up as, ‘This is what turns me on’ or, at a brain level, ‘This is what jacks up my dopamine’.

This neurochemical reality primes young brains. They learn to define sex according to whatever stimuli offer the biggest sexual buzz.

Once new connections form, teen brains hold tightly to these associations.

Our most powerful and lasting memories arise from adolescence – along with our worst habits.

Methamphetamine and cocaine hijack the same reward-centre nerve cells that evolved for sexual conditioning.

Standard addiction assessment test known as the ‘Three Cs’.

Craving and preoccupation with obtaining, engaging in or recovering from the use of the substance or behavior;

Loss of control in using the substance or engaging in the behavior with increasing frequency or duration.

Larger amounts or intensity, or in increasing the risk in use and behavior to obtain the desired effect; and negative consequences in physical, social, occupational, financial and psychological domains.

Dutch researchers found that online erotica has the highest addictive potential of all online applications (with online gaming second).

Higher hours per week/more years of porn viewing correlated with a reduction in grey matter in sections of the reward circuitry (striatum) involved in motivation and decision-making.

Reduced grey matter in this reward-related region means fewer nerve connections.

Fewer nerve connections here translates into sluggish reward activity, or a numbed pleasure response, often called desensitisation.

Impaired impulse control.

Intense exposure to pornographic stimuli results in a downregulation of the natural.

Both hyper-reactivity to addiction cues (hardcore video) and reduced sexual responsiveness to tamer sexual visuals are not surprising in porn overconsumers.

All addiction is one condition.

Behavioural and substance addiction confirm that all addictions modify the same fundamental brain mechanisms and produce a recognized set of anatomical and chemical alterations.

Here are some brain changes that show up in all addictions, whether substance or behavioural:

Desensitisation, or a numbed response to pleasure. Reduced dopamine signalling and other changes leave the addict less sensitive to everyday pleasures and ‘hungry’ for dopamine-raising activities and substances.

Sensitisation, or an unconscious super-memory of pleasure that, when activated triggers powerful cravings.

Rewired nerve connections cause the reward circuit to buzz in response to addiction related cues or thoughts.

Hypofrontality or reduced brain activity in the prefrontal regions, which weakens willpower in the face of strong subconscious cravings.

Alterations in the prefrontal region’s grey matter and white matter correlate with reduced impulse control and the weakened ability to foresee consequences.

Hypofrontality shows up as the feeling that two parts of your brain are engaged in a tug-of-war.

Dysfunctional stress circuits, which can make even minor stress lead to cravings and relapse because they activate powerful sensitized pathways.

These phenomena are at the core of all addictions.

Ex-porn users regularly report withdrawal symptoms that are reminiscent of drug withdrawals.

Insomnia, anxiety, irritability, mood swings, headaches, restlessness, fatigue, poor concentration, depression, social paralysis and cravings.

Shaking, flu-like symptoms, muscle cramps or the mysterious sudden loss of libido that guys call the flatline.

Not everyone who stops using pornography will suffer withdrawal symptoms, but some do.

The brain’s reward centre doesn’t know what porn is. It only registers levels of stimulation through dopamine spikes.

Dopamine is odd. It shoots up when something is better than expected (violates expectations), but drops when expectations are not met.

With sex, it’s nearly impossible to match internet porn's level of surprise variety and novelty.

Once a young man thoroughly conditions himself to porn, sex may not meet his unconscious expectations. Unmet expectations produce a drop in dopamine – and erections.

Adolescents are especially vulnerable here because their reward circuitry is in overdrive.

Over-sensitivity to reward also means its owner is more vulnerable to addiction.

A natural sculpting process narrows a teen’s choices by adulthood. His brain prunes his neural circuitry to leave him with well-honed responses to life.

Research reveals that erections require adequate dopamine in the reward circuit and the male sexual centres of the brain.

A decline in dopamine signalling is associated with all of these:

  • Diminished sexual behaviour, which, as noted, is a possible cause of sluggish erections/climaxes.
  • Decreased risk-taking and increased anxiety, combined with a tendency toward angry overreaction, any of which can decrease willingness to socialize.
  • Inability to focus, which can account for concentration and memory problems.
  • Lack of motivation and healthy anticipation, which can lead to apathy procrastination, and even play a role in depression.

Instead of acting on impulse, you’ll be learning self-restraint and mindfulness with one of your most primal instincts.

Which will flow over into every part of your life and make your life’s decisions be entirely up to you.

When I started this 500 days ago, I had trouble concentrating; I couldn’t commit to a goal for more than a week at a time. Whenever I had a day off I wasted it in lazy indulgence.

Knowing that I could be doing more with my time. Now, I can handle 50, 60 hour work weeks regularly without even noticing it.

Now, I can exercise regularly and stick to it. Now, I’m in a relationship unlike any I’ve ever been in because I can finally treat my partner as another human being rather than sometimes as an object of desire.

Now, I’m constantly improving myself instead of just wishing I could.

Restore the sensitivity of your brain’s reward circuitry so you can again enjoy everyday pleasures.

Reduce the intensity of the ‘gotta have it!’ brain pathways that drive you to use.

  • re-establish your willpower (strengthen the brain’s frontal lobes).
  • reduce the impact of stress such that it doesn’t set off severe cravings.

The problematic behaviors and symptoms of porn addiction are material in nature. They are inscribed in the structures of the brain. By changing behavior we change those structures.

Over time new ways of life are reflected in changes in brain function.

Artificial sexual stimulation includes anything your brain might use in the way it has been using porn: cam2cam erotic encounters, sexting, reading erotica, friendfinder apps, fantasizing about porn scenarios.

Consistently refuse to activate the porn pathways in your brain.

Freedom lies in allowing it to return to normal sensitivity and weaken any addiction pathways. Only then will you be truly free to set your own priorities without loud neurochemical signals stressing you and overriding your choices.

Tips I see on the recovery forums:

Delete all porn from your devices this action sends your brain the signal that your intention to change is ironclad.

Move your furniture around. Environmental cues associated with use can be powerful triggers because they themselves release dopamine.

Avoid friends, neighborhoods, and activities associated with previous use.

Consider using your online devices only in a less private location, which you don’t associate with porn use. Or transform your ‘porn space’ environment. Get rid of your ‘masturbation chair’ or simply move your furniture around.

Consider a porn blocker and an ad blocker.

Porn blockers are not fail-proof. They are like speed-bumps. They give you time to realize that you’re about to do what you really don’t want to do.

Free porn blockers are available at these sites:

Block all sexual categories, all dating categories and all blog categories.

Consider using an ad blocker. That way you won’t have to see wiggling images in your sidebar when making holiday plans or ordering vitamins.

‘AdblockPlus’ is free.

Consider a day-counter.

What matters is not days but brain balance. Brains do not all return to balance on a set schedule.

And while brains definitely need time to reboot, accumulated days aren’t the whole story.

Brain balance also benefits from exercise, socializing, time in nature, increased self-control, better self-care and so forth.

An alternative to setting a long day-count goal is to set mini-goals for yourself

Extinction training

Cue extinction. You weaken the link or pathway between a stimulus and a habitual response

If extinction training (sometimes known as Exposure Response Prevention Therapy) is too risky for you because glimpses of porn sites throw you into a binge, try an indirect approach to strengthening your willpower first (or any beneficial stressor) and meditation are good choices.

Support

Join a forum, get an accountability partner.

Involvement in an online community where others are experimenting with giving up porn is helpful for most people. It can inspire you give you a place to rant, supply the good feelings that come from supporting others, and generate new tips for speeding your progress.

Said one guy:

Sites such as NoFap.org and Reboot Nation facilitate finding accountability partners.

Therapy, support groups, healthcare.

Keep a journal

There are good days and bad days, and on the bad days your brain will try to persuade you that you have made no progress and there is no hope that you ever will.

Often by reading earlier entries from your journal you can swiftly put things back in perspective.

Managing Stress, Improving Self-control and Self-care.

Exercise, beneficial stressors

Exercise seems to be the most universally beneficial distraction from urges, also improves self-confidence and fitness, and is even associated with better erectile function in men under 40.

Exercise is a solid mood regulator.

Can help ease addiction because acute bouts of exercise increase dopamine concentrations, and regular exercise leads to sustained increases in dopamine and related adjustments.

This helps counteract the chronically low dopamine signalling that haunts recovering addicts before their brains reboot.

Visit www.gettingstronger.org for articles and research about the physiology behind exercise, intermittent fasting, daily cold showers, and so forth.

Get outside

Time in nature is good for the brain. It boosts creativity, insight and problem solving.

Get outside into the natural light and breathe fresh air. We weren’t meant to look at glowing rectangles and breathe recycled air 24/7.

Socializing

Humans evolved as tribal, pair-bonding primates. Our brains cannot easily regulate mood on their own, at least not for long.

It’s not unusual to feel anxious or depressed (or self-medicate with an addiction) when isolated.

When recovering users force their attention away from their habitual ‘relief’, their reward circuitry looks around for other sources of pleasure.

Eventually it finds the natural rewards it evolved to find: friendly interaction, real mates, time in nature, exercise, accomplishment, creativity, and so forth.

All ease cravings.

Meditation, relaxation techniques

Daily meditation helps the rational part of the brain, called the frontal lobes, to stay in the driver’s seat.

Meditation thus strengthens what addiction has weakened.

Even as it quiets the primitive parts of the brain that drive impulsive behavior.

Creative pursuits, hobbies, life purpose

Put all your extra time, energy and confidence to use on other efforts that keep you preoccupied.

Creativity is both a great distraction and inherently rewarding because of the anticipation of achieving something important to you:

Limit activities that cause 'empty' dopamine highs, such as frequent, intense videogaming, junk food, gambling, trolling Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Yahoo, meaningless TV, and so forth.

Instead, steer for activities that produce more lasting, sustainable satisfaction even if they aren’t as rewarding in the short-run:

Having a good conversation, organizing your work space, receiving/giving a therapeutic massage, goal-setting, visiting someone, building something or gardening.

Attitude, Education and Inspiration

Be gentle with yourself.

You don’t let that urge go anywhere. You say ‘no’, that one time, and you do that every one time that it comes up. That's it. Not X days of constant willpower, just a subtle lifestyle change, a quiet ‘no’ whenever the random desire flickers up and tries to take hold.

Common withdrawal symptoms include: irritability, anxiety or even panic, unaccustomed tears, restlessness, lethargy, headaches, brain fog, depression, mood swings, desire to isolate, muscle tightness, insomnia, and severe cravings to use porn.

Insomnia

It’s important to stay well rested as fatigue can trigger porn use.

Triggers

One man described triggers as, ‘the external factors that make you think about porn.’

Common triggers include: TV shows and movies with erotic content, porn flashbacks, morning wood, use of recreational drugs or alcohol.

Words that remind you of a porn site/actor and suggestive ads.

States of mind can also be triggers: boredom, anxiety, stress, depression, loneliness, rejection, fatigue, frustration, anger, failure, feeling sorry for yourself, desire to reward yourself for an accomplishment, overconfidence, jealousy, and being hung-over.

Keep a list of things you want to accomplish as well as a list of risk-free activities for those moments when you just don’t have the motivation to do something productive.

Emotions

People who quit porn often remark that they feel more emotions. Why is this a challenge?

Because unfamiliar emotions can be overwhelming at first, especially if they are unwelcome.

Chaser

The term ‘chaser’ is often used to describe intense cravings that sometimes follow orgasm.

Disturbing dreams, flashbacks

People often remark that they recall their dreams better after quitting.

They register as hyper-arousing, which means they also offer temporary comforting oblivion when feelings of shame strike. This explains how some users fall into a ‘shame-binge shame’ cycle.

The key seems to be to channel lots of energy into constructive action and self-compassion and away from excruciating, yet arousing, inner battles.

Common Pitfalls

Edging

Sometimes persuade themselves that ejaculation is the main problem and internet porn is secondary.

In men, edging stresses the prostate.

Dopamine is at its peak when on the verge of orgasm.

At orgasm, prolactin rises, which drops dopamine to baseline levels and inhibits its release.

That normally spells some relief for sexual frustration.

Placing your foot on the dopamine gas, without ever hitting the brake (prolactin) results in a continuous state of cravings without satisfaction.

Once he stopped viewing porn, the urge to masturbate eased a lot, because without porn, masturbation was not that interesting.

Fantasizing

Research on mental imagery indicates that fantasizing or imagining an experience activates many of the same neural circuits as performing it.

Your brain doesn’t make a distinction between imagery that comes from a computer screen or inside your own mind, so running porn-like imagery through your brain is little different from watching porn.

Another type of fantasy that involves intimacy but not sex. These fantasies involve things like exchanging smiles, holding hands, giving back or foot massages.

Using porn substitutes

The primitive part of your brain doesn’t know what porn is. It simply knows whether something is arousing (to you) or not.

Internet porn addiction is not an addiction to naked or erotic; it’s an addiction to novelty.

Assuming a fetish is permanent

The fact is, only by process of elimination will you know whether you are dealing with a porn-induced superficial fetish or a true fetish arising from the core of your sexual identity.

All erotic memories gain power, and are reinforced with each instance of arousal.

Porn fetishes often turn out to be superficial. Again, many who quit porn (and porn-inspired fantasy) for a few months see their extreme tastes dissipate.

The bad urge

The ideal time to deal with a bad urge is before it shows up.

Not being at home, or a place where you usually fap, will be incredibly helpful in getting past the first few days of withdrawal throes.

Make a list (now) of reasons you are avoiding porn and consult it when The Urge arises.

If you don’t know what else to do you can always wait and do nothing.

Think to yourself, ‘Here are cravings. They came out of nowhere and they have no real power over me. I am not my thoughts; I did not summon them. I do not want them; and I do not have to act on them.’

All urges die down eventually, usually within quarter of an hour.

Don’t discuss the situation with your brain. Your brain will try to rationalize porn use because it desperately wants it. The key here is not to argue with your own brain, but instead to simply acknowledge that you’re having the thought, or to answer with one word: ‘No‘

Self-determination requires that we understand ourselves as best we can.

Burnham, Terry and Phelan, Jay, Mean Genes: From Sex to Money to Food Taming Our Primal Instincts, New York: Basic Books, 2000.

Funny, informative book about how the reward circuitry of the brain drives us to do things that are not always in our best interests.